Kagerou Days (Remastered)
by Ninjagirl2211
Summary: Live, die, repeat—sounds like something I saw in a movie once. But that was so long ago. A lifetime ago, in fact. I never wanted this. I never asked for any of this. Why live, just to lose everything all over again? Well I refuse. I won't go down without a fight. And I sure as hell won't go without bringing down some assholes with me. Here's to breaking the cycle.
1. In the Beginning

**KAGEROU DAYS: 1**

My world ended in an eruption of pain, lights, colors, and sounds, until it all faded out and all I could hear was that song on the radio ringing in my ears, until that faded away too into a constant resonating note, like the ghostly echo of a bell. I'm not sure if I should count myself lucky or unfortunate that I don't remember much of it because what I _can _remember scares the hell out of me every time I think about it. Though I suppose I should tell you what I can, because it's relevant... You should know that I'm dead. Or I was once. I'm not too sure of the specifics, or much of anything at all really, since I seem to have undergone some twisted form of metempsychosis.

For those of you that don't already know, Karma is a bitch. So is reincarnation. Then again, I'm fairly sure those two go hand in hand.

I nearly died again the second time I was brought into the world. Something to do with chakra stabilizing and development problems. But then, that was to be expected, considering my soul had transmigrated from _another fucking dimension_... 'How do I know this' you may ask? Oh, well, for one thing, _ninjas_. They were everywhere—like roaches. Incidentally, they probably wouldn't have too much of an issue surviving a nuke either. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to the initial question, there's just one tiny detail I might have forgotten to mention, like..._ever_.

I was probably the biggest closet narutard on the face of the planet before I died.

But none of that mattered in the beginning... No, in the beginning—to quote a certain genius I'd once heard of in another life—there was confusion, and terror, and it didn't get much better from there. Worse than probably anything else—the hugeness, brightness, and overall overwhelming quality of everything and everyone around me—was the constant smoldering sensation I felt everywhere. It's like I could still feel the explosion at the end, shoved into my veins, my lungs, burning like someone had poured bleach down my throat and it was streaming out my nose, and my eye sockets—I probably scared my new mom half to death if anything I felt inside was even remotely displayed on the outside of me.

I didn't actually meet her officially until a full week after my birth. Chakra instability is apparently a big deal. I can't even count how many times I blacked out and almost died again. To make it worse, I didn't even know what the hell was going on back then. I had a half suspicion that nobody else did either. But they did their best to fix me, and when I was finally placed in a pair of warm, but trembling arms, the woman who had become my mother demonstrated a small but audibly emotional display of relief by somehow holding onto me gently enough but with a certain sense of urgency suffice to make me imagine that she was also hanging on for dear life... I suppose we shared that in common.

With my shoddy, broken understanding of Japanese, I could only hang on to every half word or so, but I didn't really need to understand her words to understand that she loved me. If, with enormous effort, I quieted my turbulent thoughts, pushed away the constant burning feeling, and concentrated on her heartbeat, I could almost feel it radiating from her. It was probably the only thing that kept me from going off the deep end. So, naturally, you could say I grew more than a little bit attached. Like, stupid attached. As in, every time she put me down, I'd inevitably start wailing. Not just from constant chakra irritation, but...to put it frankly, I was terrified. Of everything. What's more, on top of it all, I still wasn't a hundred percent sure just what exactly had happened to me. And on some levels, I didn't want to know.

It was easy not to think about it though. Especially with my senses being bombarded a hundred different ways. You could say I was easily distracted back then. And I couldn't truly say there wasn't a time that I didn't have my maw wide open and screaming. My poor mom...somehow she dealt with my constant fits, and I had absolutely no idea how she could be so patient on so little sleep. But after a few weeks of believing I'd gone to some form of hell, the reality finally sunk in and I was forced to accept the facts. It didn't really go over too well. Stuff like that never truly does when it comes to me—change. I hated every moment of it. But at least the panic lessened...and, by the grace of everything that is good and holy, so did the burning.

It was still there of course. It was more like...it had _torn _through me, changing me, until there was nothing left and just remained—a smoldering ember—deep inside of me. It was fluctuating and volatile though, and flared up, burning, and scratching at the oddest moments. I noticed after some time that it was connected to my emotions, which were just as volatile, and I knew intrinsically that it wasn't done with me yet, and I had the tormenting feeling, were I to reach for it...with even the smallest, featherlight touch..._everything _would ignite, like the slightest spark can turn a gasoline soaked highway into a river of flames, devouring everything in its path... I was terrified of what was inside me. And it was always..._always _there.

But with its ominous retreat, came an odd silence. It took me a while to realize that the silence was _me_. The total absence of screaming infant. Go figure. I think I nearly gave my mother a heart attack again because she nearly vaulted over the crib bars to check for vital signs. It was honestly the first time I really got a look at her through eyes that weren't completely clouded by the utter chaos of my existence. She was haggard, and defeated, and not without dark circles beneath her eyes, but...even though her bright red hair hung lank and some of her bangs were escaping from her low ponytail to hang in her face, even though exhaustion seemed to live and breed in every fiber of her being, when she was reassured that I wasn't dead or dying, her smile lit up everything about her, and her eyes were golden glowing pools in the dim light of the obscenely early hours.

"_Kagerou-chan_..." her voice trembled with amazement and she seemed on the edge of crying out of sheer joy, "_no more tears_..." And then she started laughing, sinking to the floor beside the crib, stroking my forehead through the bars with that same sort of desperate relief she had when she'd first held me in her arms.

I think I broke her.

But I was living proof that broken things could be fixed. And I planned to fix...this...whatever it was. After that night, as mom had said in her own words, there were no more tears. In fact, I didn't plan on doing it again if I could help it. The worst was over. And despite everything, god and physics be damned, I had somehow survived it. Me. My being. I was still here. Still alive. For better or for worse, it was too soon to tell. But as a universal rule, being _alive _was generally better than being _dead_. And I was thankful for it. A fresh start. From here on out, things would be different, and could only go up from—

"N_ee-chaaaan_!" The apartment door slammed open and a red blur sailed through it, slamming into mom like a bullet, and I was quite frankly shocked that they didn't take down the wall with them and land in the next apartment complex across the back alley. "_Nee-chan__, I'm baaaaack_!"

Mom let out a long suffering sigh from beneath the red-beast-woman and remarked dryly, "_I couldn't help but notice_..."

Suddenly, the door-breaker released mom with a sudden gasp and retracted herself immediately, speaking quicker than I'd ever heard someone speak before, "_I'm sorry! I forgot I'm not supposed to_—_wait_—" she stopped dead, staring intensely at mom's abdomen. "—_where did it go_?"

Mom brushed herself off and sent the other strikingly familiar woman a gentle smile gesturing to my crib over in the corner. "_She came a few weeks early, Kushina_."

Wait. _What_.

"_You mean_..." The younger of the two trembled out, "_You didn't wait for me_...?"

Mom let out a peal of laughter and shook her head, "_This isn't the sort of thing that can wait! If they want to come out, then that's what they do, regardless of anyone else's feelings on the matter_." She reached down and stroked my forehead again with that gentle smile of hers. "_Nee, _y_ou really scared me, you know_..."

I know. I'm sorry.

The other woman put a hand over her abdomen and seemed anxious, frowning for a moment. But then Mom said carefully, "_Kushina...do you want to hold her_?"

Her head snapped up and her voice fluttered with excitement. "_I can_?"

Instead of answering, Mom removed me gently from my crib and deposited me in the woman's awkwardly placed limbs, adjusting them so that they were less awkward, and I could finally see her face clearly. I froze at what I saw. Because it wasn't just eerie familiarity anymore. This was recognition. This was—

Her face broke out into one of the biggest grins I think I've ever seen and her voice melted into baby talk. "_You're so _cuuuuute!" I stared. Still frozen. Still not blinking. "_I'm your cousin Kushina, and when you grow up, I'm going to teach you all sorts of things, and I'll take you to my favorite restaurant, and we'll pick flowers, and I'll make your hair pretty, and—_" I couldn't follow after that. I think that maybe part of my brain had just shut down on me.

I'd never really been one to panic unless I was dying and/or on fire. Otherwise, I wasn't one to complain much. If something was uncomfortable, I dealt with it silently and without whining about it or flailing my limbs around like a submerged bulldog. I didn't necessarily _like _change, but again, I would deal, because that was just one of life's many shit sandwiches that we all had to choke down at some point or another and grin afterwards. Sometimes things got really bad though. Like right now. At which point I reacted in either one of two ways. Option one: break down and cry like a mental hospital patient, or then there was option two: deny, deny, deny, deny.

Yeah. I think I was in shock for a long time after that fateful meeting. Everything seemed out of focus, on autopilot, and I lost my grip on time. It was all blended together in a blur, the minutes, hours, days, weeks... My development skyrocketed, as is the norm for growing infants, even without my attention to it, and each time Kushina came to visit—which was quite a frequent occurrence, unfortunately—her belly became rounder, and rounder, and rounder. I think it just got worse when she dragged her husband over. It sort of made me want to throw up. And I did. A lot. On him, mostly; not my proudest moments...

I was an avid studier of psychology before. I knew what was happening. It was a way to cope with everything I knew—where I was, what had happened, what was, and what would be. And I was absolutely helpless, unable to stop any of it from coming. Convincing my brain that none of it was real worked for about a max of six months before I began to snap out of it though. There was also the fact to take into account that my brain was still that of a newborn, and kids bounce back fast from PTSD. Because I was pretty damn sure that's what it was. Getting blown up, being reborn, then finding out _where _you were born was a world of super-powered freaks and horribly painful death...tends to do that sort of thing to people. I knew it was over when I started to cry for the first time in months.

Mom, knew there was something wrong. I knew she did. I just hadn't really cared about anything for six months straight. I'd started walking, which surprised and delighted her, and I didn't know if that was normal or not, but I couldn't say I cared either way. I just needed to get around, so I stood up. And that was that. Understanding and comprehension of words came just as easily, though I doubted I'd be making much headway in the speech department any time soon due to my tendency to remain silent; my vocal chords were still woefully underdeveloped. It was only after what I liked to call my 'autopilot' stage that I actually became fully aware of my surroundings. But along with what felt like reverting back to 'manual' mode, came the 'feelings' part and it brought me to tears one morning when my brain finally conceded that I would be able to cope—to accept my situation..._my new reality_. Coping and accepting didn't automatically make it easy though. I immediately toddled into the kitchen, found Mom's leg, and held on for dear life, sniffling pitifully.

She paused in her drying of the dishes and stared down incredulously. It'd been the first time I initiated contact in months, and she murmured musingly, "Kage-chan..." I only hugged her leg tighter. She finally laughed and patted my head serenely. "You really know how to keep me on my toes, ne? In the beginning, I was afraid you might explode. Next thing I know, you're as silent as the void. I worry, you know." She smiled slowly. "But it keeps me wondering what will come next..." I simply stared up at her, frowning with calculation, trying to figure her out, and she stared back, seemingly doing the same. "What are you thinking in that head of yours, hm...?"

There was silence in the house, and the late evening sun filtered through the window in rays that illuminated the otherwise invisible dust moats wafting lazily around us. There was a strange peace in the quiet. And for a moment, just a moment, I thought...maybe some things didn't have to be so bad in this life.

That was when the air _exploded_all around us. Mom moved on instinct, jerking me up into her arms faster than I could see her, and sped out of the house in a similar fashion. And it's a good thing she did. A few moments later, our house, and all our possessions inside it had been flattened by the whip of a gigantic, fur covered tail, attached to an even more enormous fur covered beast. My chakra—because I knew it must be—_flared _at the horrific miasma that surrounded everything. And what's worse, it wasn't just inside me that burned any more, it was in my _skin _now, and it felt like somebody was going at it with a _cheese grater_. But...it wasn't _my_burn. It was coming from the _beast_.

Naturally, I screamed in pain and terror.

...

It was only the beginning.

Three weeks.

Three weeks and the village was still in an uproar.

Three weeks since Mom had found us a small apartment in the part of the village that wasn't still too saturated with the Kyuubi's evil chakra for human habitation; it was like nuclear fallout. It wasn't much, but it was home.

Three weeks since the Sandaime had been reinstated.

Three weeks since Minato and Kushina had died.

I couldn't remember much about either of them, seeing as how in most of their visits, I was in mental autopilot mode. They had been too much...much too much for my fragile mind to handle—to accept—at the time. And so I had denied their existence almost entirely, blocking them out... But from the blurry recollections I _could _remember...they had been unconditionally _kind _to me. Especially Kushina. Always Kushina. Kushina, who wanted to watch me grow, to teach me great things, to take me to her favorite places, to pick flowers, and make my hair pretty...and now she'd never do any of it. She was gone, and I could do nothing—_nothing_—to bring her, or Minato back. I was just a baby.

For all that, the searing gilt tore at me from the inside, out, like a wild beast with razor claws—fitting, knowing their end. I had nightmares about it. Three weeks, and I hadn't slept right ever since. The nature of this world was pressing down on me, in, and around on me, like a torture room where the spiked walls slowly closed in on you. This place was death, waiting for us all, in one form or another... You'd think from the perspective of one who's already died, this wouldn't come as such a shock. But I didn't even know what to feel any longer. If I died again, naturally the cycle would start over. So what did I have to worry about? Well, suppose the next place was even worse than this one? And the next, and the next, and the next... Would it ever end? The cycle of birth and death—livedierepeatlivedierepeat—losing my family, my loved ones, over, and over, and over... The very thought was enough to send me over the edge. Yet what could I do? What was there _to_do?

I couldn't linger upon it. After the attack, everyone was devastated. There was no time for my perpetual existential crisis. Mom was a wreck. Apparently Kushina was the only relative she'd managed to track down. And learning that her fragile, improvised family was about to expand to include one more member had given her something to hope for the future. To have it ruthlessly snatched out of her reach...she was shattered.

That was until one day, I awoke to her shaking my shoulder gently. I never cried when I woke up—something I remember doing frequently as a kid the first time around. I wasn't sure if she found it unsettling or not; Mom had a good way of hiding things like that. As it was, there was a strange, nervous excitement in her voice as she urged me, "Kage-chan? Kagerou? Let's go. How about a little walk, ne?"

I yawned and let out a whine of protest. I said I didn't cry—and that's the truth—but it didn't make waking up any easier... Mom thought it was adorable, and even coined the nickname '_Nemui_' for me, and the first thing I thought of was 'Sleepy' from Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I supposed I should be thankful for not being reincarnated into that horror story, because I was fairly sure I'd find a way to piss off something dangerous. _Then again_, I conceded, _that's probably going to happen anyway_...

I proceeded to allow Mom to dress me, and assumed a zombie-like state of compliance—which was also bizarre, considering what I knew of my '_adorable_' baby brother back home. _Home_. And with that, my thoughts returned to another world, another time, another place...another life that was no longer mine. There wasn't a single day that went by that I didn't think of it at least once. And every time, it crushed me.

"Now, now, no reason to be sad, ne?" Mom patted my cheeks, a cheerful smile slapped on her face, as if the past three weeks hadn't even happened. "Today is going to be a happy day. You'll see."

I stared back in silence, blinking at her with questions in my identical sun-bright eyes. But since I could voice none of them, I was simply dragged along without further ado, and that was that. Actually, that was most things these days. I really needed to find a way to communicate. Then I could finally engage in my favorite activity: arguing. Granted, I was never particularly eloquent at it like those uptight jerks on the debate team, but I made up for that with sheer stubbornness. You could say I was obstinate to a fault. If I wanted to push a brick wall to China, dammit, that brick wall was _going_ to China.

Out on the streets, the difference between the Konoha of now, and the Konoha of three weeks ago was staggering. As opposed to the normal hustle and bustle of the morning rush, the place carried an eerie, empty silence. The shops that hadn't been demolished were still open for business of course, but hardly anyone who was anybody was out shopping. Everyone was with their families...or whatever was left of them. Needless to say, not a single child's face was to be seen running about playing friendly games of ninja... I had to say, I missed the laughter.

As it was, I held tight to Mom's hand, and she steered us far away from those areas destroyed by the demon fox... They were still finding bodies in the wreckage, and several more people had been reported dead and missing. I supposed that's why there were so many children at the orphanage when we arrived. So many of them were screaming and crying, and I just didn't know what to do. For a horror striking moment, I entertained the errant thought that Mom might leave me there. But then I snapped out of it, stared around at all the miserable children around me, and reflected on how lucky I actually was. My Mom stayed with me for the entire shebang—to protect _me_, not Konoha. How fortunate was I that I had a parent—a Konoha shinobi at that—who cared about my safety more than the safety of anyone, or anything else? Looking at the number of orphans around me, I realized that there were several more who would leave their kids alone simply for the sake of a goddamn village. _The Will of Fire_—merely a fanatic principle that had already begun to decay at its good intentioned core long, long ago...

_Why are we here?_ I wanted to ask, staring up at Mom with a perplexed expression as she walked on, her eyes sweeping over all the parentless children with a mournful glaze in them. Maybe we were going to make a donation? But judging by our new apartment's size, I didn't think Mom was really all that well off...not poor exactly, but certainly not a philanthropist either. But that's when I saw the old man, dressed up smartly in his Hokage best, speaking hurriedly with an orphanage attendant. That's when Mom started walking quicker with a more intent stride, until she let go of my hand completely and broke into a run.

"_YOU_!" I jumped as I realized the furious exclamation came from my normally very demure parent. And I watched on in horror as she aimed a fist for the elder shinobi. "HOW DARE YOU?!" Of course, none of her blows hit home, all blocked successfully by the proclaimed 'god of shinobi,' but then again, I don't think she was really trying too hard. Her rage was almost palpable, and she swung her fists imprecisely in an eruption of emotion that existed only to disperse the pent up frustration within. I think that's why he didn't fight back. He merely defended himself with little effort and a somber expression drilled into his aged face. Was that also a flicker of guilt? I had enough experience in it for the past three weeks to see it from a mile away.

But there was only so much one could take, and finally, he grabbed both Mom's wrists in one hand faster than I could follow with my eyes and commanded, "That's _enough_, Tonbo."

She suddenly went rigid, as if just realizing what she had done, but she jerked her hands back as if she'd been bitten, putting some distance between them. "It's not!" she retorted with a viciousness I'd never heard in her voice before. Then after a moment, she broke down and cried out, "I am not _stupid_, Sandaime-sama!"

"I'm fully aware of that..." He dipped his head towards her in recognition, the somber expression never leaving his face.

I stared at my mother's shaking form and tentatively toddled over to her, wrapping my arms around her leg and staring between the two of them with incomprehension. Why would Mom attack the _Hokage_ of all people? Better question: Where the hell were the ANBU bodyguards?

Mom stared down at me, her eyes glazed over with emotion as she stroked my hair, then switched her furious gaze back to Hiruzen. "You _know_ why I came to this place. _You know_! And yet still, you try and pull the wool over my eyes!" She closed them for a moment, and opened them with a determined glint shining off those now intimidating golden orbs. "No... I will not stand idly by and let the four of you do whatever you please. You may be Hokage once again, but this is a _clan_ matter. And though we may no longer be many...I intend to _change_ that." After a deadly pause, she hissed out, "Are you going to help me, or are you going to _stand in my way_?"

I stared up at her, scandalized. That was a direct threat, wasn't it? Not just to the Hokage but to Konoha itself! People had been _massacred_ for less! _Mom_, I thought, horrified, _what in the seven fiery hells are you _doing?

The old man let out a long, tired sigh, shaking his head. "This is the best solution I could coerce my colleagues into accepting, Tonbo. There was much debate over what to do about it, and let me assure you, there were far worse options that were brought to the table—"

"You are _Hokage_!" Mom suddenly screeched, making me flinch again, and she caught herself, pausing to pat my head reassuringly before grating out at the old man before us, "You _know_ what the best solution is, yet you do not _act_ upon it! If you _are_ Hokage, hurry up and _act like one_!"

"It's not that simple." He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Part of this job is learning how to play the game. There are politics involved here, and interests that—should _your_ best solution be implemented—may put you, and your _daughter_, at risk."

Mom was silent for a long moment after that before whispering, "...We are _always_ at risk. I was resigned to that fact the moment I decided to track down Kushina. My family is what's most important, Hokage-sama. I will go to _any_ lengths to protect them, and my dream, no matter how far... That is my nindo."

I stared up at the determination glowing in her eyes and stared some more. In that moment, I think I knew why I had been born as her daughter. It was the same look I got whenever my mind was made up. Once past a certain point, there was no turning back. Mom was there, and there was no convincing her otherwise. She was just as pigheaded as me.

He saw the look in her eyes too, and once recognizing it for what it was, Hiruzen closed his eyes in defeat. "I can see there will be no convincing you otherwise. Very well. I have warned you. I will do what I can to make arrangements, but _you_ will have to deal with the consequences."

Suddenly, Mom's lips twisted into a wry smirk. "In other words...you don't want to deal with the paperwork."

"Can't say I'm looking forward to it, no," He answered honestly, pulling out a pipe from within his sleeves and lighting it before taking in a long drag and breathing out a cloud of grey smoke that twisted into the air and disappeared as we watched. "Only three weeks into this job, and I can't wait to retire again... But then I don't know what I'd do with myself."

Mom's smile faded and her voice turned gentle once more as she consoled, "I was even more upset upon hearing of Biwako-sama's fate. I was glad to have known her...and I will miss her dearly."

Hiruzen nodded heavily, admitting after another puff on his pipe, "...So will I." After a long pause, he tore his gaze away from the clouds and promptly changed subjects, "Well? Do you want to see him, or not?"

Mom's eyes held a certain anxious excitement as she nodded firmly, grabbing onto my hand with purpose as she followed the robed man into the building swiftly. My confusion multiplied as their conversation morphed into more complex things such as finances, and political jargon, which I tuned out in favor of concentrating on where we were going. We passed rooms and walls with finger paint pictures on them and motivational posters about becoming ninja. They really started the brain washing early, didn't they? But finally we moved on to a part of the orphanage that looked like it hadn't been used in a while, and at the end of the hall we came to a single room with a crib centered in the middle of it.

There, rolled over on his side, happily gnawing his gums on one of the bars, was how I got my first glance of Uzumaki Naruto.

…

I really didn't like how Mom was smiling.

* * *

**So, this is a remake of one of my old fics. Some of you may remember it. **

**And NO, before you ask, this is not a Kagepro song fic, nor does it have anything to do with the series. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, good! Enjoy the rest of the story! (Whatever's left of it)**

**Kagerou means 'Mayfly' or 'Heat-Haze' (you know, those little squiggly lines you see in the air on really hot days?)**

**So I hope that's all cleared up now!**

**Questions, comments, concerns—you know what to do ^^**


	2. Denial

**KAGEROU DAYS: 2**

"Wake up, Beautiful," I unceremoniously kicked the futon. "We're late." Said beauty groaned pitifully and I almost felt sorry for him. Almost. "Come on. Ass movage, commence. You're going to have to get up anyway."

"Nee-chaaaan..." He groaned again, then pulled his blanket further over his head.

A touching scene...yet somehow, boring. "I'm not your sister." I ripped the blankets off, prompting him to curl up into a shivering ball and cry out in protest. "Time to go." I grabbed him by the scruff of his boxers and dragged him to the closet. "Are you going to dress yourself? Or do you want me to do that for you too?"

That got him up quick enough.

Mom was in the kitchen, hurrying here and there, looking for gear she'd misplaced and whatnot, and she patted my head in between rushing from one counter to the other. "Morning, sunshine!"

I blinked dryly at her and observed as she ran around like a chicken with her head cut off and remarked, "Another one?"

She grinned apologetically and admitted, "I'll only be gone for a few days."

I arched my brow and nailed her with the question, "What rank is it?"

"That's classified!" She sang before bending down and landing a kiss in my brow. "Stay out of trouble."

I bristled indignantly. "_Who's_ the one who's always in trouble? Not me, that's for sure. You must be confusing me with another member of this household."

"Oh, hush. You know what I mean." She settled me with a look that told me _exactly_ what she meant.

"O-o-oba-chan—" Naruto yawned, miraculously emerging—fully dressed in an orange T-shirt and black cargo shorts, I might add—from the tiny hall, stretching his arms. "Are you going somewhere—"

Mom cut him off by slapping wet one on his forehead as well, taking him by surprise, and she trilled out a cheerful, "Bye-bye! Be a good boy and listen to Kage-chan, ne? I'll be back sooner than you know it!" She then called back over her shoulder, "Kagerou! Any problems, go straight to Hokage-sama! No more terrorizing the neighbors! I mean it! Violence is never the answer!"

I rolled my eyes, grumbling under my breath, "Only if you're not using enough of it..."

"What was that?" She chirped sweetly, giving me that creepy as hell, closed eyed smile.

"Nothing, nothing!" I backed away slowly, "Have a safe trip!"

Creepy smile unchanged, she tilted her head slightly to the side to assess me, and, after a full ten second stare down in which all three of us stood completely still, she hummed happily, "Hai-okay! No violence, no watching TV after midnight, and no feeding him excessive amounts of sugar or ramen, got it? Remember what happened last time?"

_Yep_, I thought to myself grimly as Naruto went into a tirade of whines and 'how come?!'s, _some things just can be unseen_.

Evidently, Mom's thoughts were along the same lines because she shivered slightly and shook the fit-throwing, leg-clinging seven-year-old off of her. "Oba-chaaaan, don't gooooooo! Kage-chan's going to make me _do_ stuff!"

Mom paused, and sent me a questioning look. "...Stuff?"

With a heavy sigh, I divulged. "We've been running errands for people... Trying to fix the bad rep, you know? It's slow going, but I think we're getting there..." I held my hands up, shrugging with a wry grin, "Besides, it's a good way to score treats—especially from old ladies who need help crossing the street."

Mom blinked, and paused in her attempts to pry Naruto off her leg. After a moment of silence, she questioned, "...Who are you, and what have you done with my daughter?"

"I believe she may possibly be somewhere in this room," I looked around dubiously, then back at her with a dry smile and another shrug. "Not making any promises though."

Mom shook her head with a deadpan expression. "Never mind...I think found her."

"You should try not to lose things like that." I rose both brows at her. "It's a good way to make yourself late."

Her eyes went wide and she let out a loud curse, which Naruto then blatantly repeated, and she sequentially knocked him over the head for it. She then reinitialized her frantic searching, even lifting up the couch with one hand and tearing through the bedrooms with lots of clattering noises and more cursing until she shouted, "_Aha_! You're a thousand years too early to hide from Konoha's number one Aka Tonbo!" She emerged victoriously with her tangled seal wraps clutched in her raised fist and a dust bunny balanced perfectly on the tip of her nose.

I stared at her for about five seconds before voicing my opinion on her performance. "Laaaaame..."

"Hey!"

"Hmm, Kaa-san? What time is it?"

Another curse, and off she went.

I sent Naruto a look after the door slammed shut. "Don't even think about trying to escape. We have to leave now, or else we'll miss the early birds." At his continued moaning and groaning, I barked at him, "You want free ramen, or not?!"

"But...Oba-chan said—"

I arched a brow at him. "You really wanna push this?" I shrugged at his dumbfounded look, "Hey, look, if you're that against it, I guess we could just stay home alone in the dark all day and starve—"

His voice rose up an octave and he jumped up hurriedly, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door. "What are we waiting for? Let's go! The early birds are waiting!"

Hook, line, aaaaand sinker...

And that was how life usually went. Mom started taking missions again a few years ago. We needed the money. And it's not like she could ask anyone to babysit. Naruto was the village pariah after all, and, by extension, me. Well, actually, not so much. I tended to get more sympathy, simply because I usually acted as nothing more than a glorified drill sergeant/babysitter. It took a lot of effort to get him to do what you wanted him to, and in consequence, I learned real quickly how to wear an iron fist. And that's why Mom trusted us on our own—well, she trusted _me_ on my own. I was pretty much the only one who knew what to do with him.

In the beginning, it was all I could do just to tire him out. Plus, it gave me a strange sense of gratification in getting revenge for the hurtful things people would say and do. Naruto was a bit of a genius in that area, actually, not that I'd ever admit it. But they weren't the worst of it... Sometimes there were bullies. I couldn't even count how many times we'd gotten beat up before I decided it was time to fight back. And when we fought back...let's just say things got a lot more interesting.

But I quickly began to notice a trend, and the revenge pranks and the mischief really only aggravated the situation. The village hated Naruto more than ever, and I was the orchestrator behind everything. It was a couple of months ago that the conflict reared into a hot boiling mess...

_I gripped the boy's hand tightly, choking on my breath as I dragged him after me through the back alleys. We had to be close to the edge of the village by now, surely. Yet they still chased us down like wolves. It was Naruto's birthday. It was also the day that several people had died. People tended to remember _that before_ they remembered the boy's birthday. And, in grief, people tended to do a lot of things they shouldn't..._

_I threw a glance back over my shoulder and saw the group of five on our tail, heading around the corner, shouting and uttering horrible things. I also saw Naruto, exhausted, terrified, and knew he couldn't go on much longer. _I _couldn't go on much longer. But I had to. Mom was on a mission, and there wasn't anybody else in the world who could help us. It was my job. Had been ever since that day so long ago when we took him into the clan. My responsibility. I had to do it on my own._

_That was when we ran into _him.

"Hey, hey, Nee-chan?" Naruto interrupted my thoughts as we passed by the ninja school.

"I'm not your sister," I reminded him with a well aimed stink eye.

As always, he ignored this, and went on, "Nee-chan, when can _we_ go to the academy? I want to be a ninja too, like Oba-chan!"

I rolled my eyes grimly. "You know how she is about that sort of thing..."

"_Absolutely not."_

_I stared across the table at her. "...Why?"_

"_You are not ready."_

_I stared her down. Mom used that voice whenever she was dead serious about something. She became another person—a brick wall. But I was _me_, and so I did what I do best. "...There are kids who start the academy at age four. There are kids who have _graduated _at age four."_

_She rested her chin in her palm, assessing me with her eyes, the same as she always did when I expressed knowledge of things that most five-year-olds couldn't. She'd never really commented on it before, but I knew she knew, and she knew I knew she knew. Instead, all she needed to say was, "You are different from them..."_

_Next I brought up the second item on the table. "And Naruto?"_

_Her lips twitched into a dry smile and replied, "What about him?"_

_I narrowed my eyes. "You know how he is."_

"_I do," she agreed, her smile still in place._

_I stared at her intently. "What are you going to do when you have this conversation with _him _a few years down the road?"_

And they did. But I suppose it's fairly easy to guess how that turned out.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he copied my rolley-eyed face and mimicked with air quotes, "_You're not ready_! What does that even mean?"

I sighed.

"_The two of you are very special in different ways," she told me seriously. "Naruto...has a special power that people hate him for. But that will change one day if he wants it to. That's just the way he is. Until then, he's not ready. As for you..." She smiled. "You're just like me. So when you show me that _you're _ready, I'll teach you myself. You don't need to worry about the academy."_

"I have absolutely no idea," I told him honestly. "But that time better come sooner, rather than later..."

It's not exactly like we had all the time in the world, after all.

"Morning, Teuchi-san," I hailed, waving my hand as Naruto caught up with me, repeating the greeting with much gusto. Free ramen was a big motivator for him.

"Good morning, you two." The man smiled at us from over the counter. "Getting an early start?"

"Yep," I confirmed, ready to talk shop. "Got any deliveries for us?"

"Hmmm," He tapped his chin in thought. "not quite at the moment, but I'll definitely have some if you come back later. Ayame could use the help, and there's a reward in it for you if you manage not to spill anything on the way. Eh, Naruto?" He sent a grin at the boy.

"You bet!" He returned enthusiastically, "You can count on me, Old Man!"

"I'm not that old," he protested in good humor, then turned his attention back to me. "I'm sure you can find something to do at Yamanaka Flowers. And there's the grocer stalls too. They always need help."

"Great!" I chirped. "We'll try to be back at around thirteen hundred, then."

"Sounds like a plan. I'll have some miso ready for you." He grinned at Naruto, who cheered. And after that it was pretty easy to get him moving. It was almost the other way around, and he ended up dragging _me_ through town. That's usually how it went. Mornings weren't motivating for Naruto, but once you got him going, it was pretty hard to get him to stop.

But at best, people tolerated him. Most just pretended he didn't even exist, like Mrs. Yamanaka—Inoichi was alright though, and it was him we met at the flower shop that day, to my relief. We delivered a couple of bouquets; a few to the cemetery, and a few to the objects of other's admiration. That's how we ended up at the Uchiha Compound.

"Happy birthday, I think?" Itachi honestly seemed shocked. "I mean, it's gotta be your birthday, right? This doesn't happen every day, does it?"

He shook his head. "No...but it's not my birthday either."

I switched my eyes between the multiple bouquets and the confused Itachi—like, when does _that_ ever happen?—with confusion of my own. But that's when Mikoto curiously poked her head around her eldest son and I took full advantage of the situation with the bright lie, "They're for you!"

"Oh, how sweet!" Again, hook, line, sinker. "Why don't you come in? I just made lunch."

I sent a shit eating grin at Itachi behind her back, because of course he wasn't going to say anything. What kind of son tells their mother that the pretty flowers they just received are actually for him and not her? Which begs the question, who was sending Itachi a shit load of flowers in the first place? "What'd you _do_?" I mouthed at him out of Mikoto's earshot.

"Shisui..." He muttered the name like a curse.

I raised both brows, "Really? I always thought you two were a little funny..."

He sent me a look. "You're irritating."

"And proud." I nodded sagely.

Irritating Uchiha Itachi wasn't really something I had on my to-do list until recently.

"_Beating on little kids isn't much of a challenge..." came a mystifying voice from the roof of the alley. But when the bullies paused in their onslaught, and I was able to hesitantly look up from my defensive huddle over Naruto, there was no one there._

"_...The hell?" the leader looked from left to right in frustrated confusion. "Where are you?! Show yourself!"_

_That was when two, glowing red eyes opened slowly in the shadows._

Who would've thought meeting Uchiha Itachi in a dark alley could lead to the beginning of a beautiful friendship? Well, _I_ thought it was beautiful. He thought we were annoying—which was actually true—but I'd never forget what he did for us. Seeing those assholes running away screaming like little girls had been one of the few high-points of my new life. Plus, he brought us back to his house where Mikoto patched us both up. Once I told her whose daughter I was, she practically flipped out with happiness. She'd lost track of Mom, having only met her in passing when Kushina dragged her along, but after that day, they were both as thick as peas in a pod. Bonding over a dead best friend... I supposed there were worse things to bond over, I guess...

Naruto had similarly bonded with Sasuke almost instantly, and after Mikoto told him he was training out in the back yard, he disappeared. Shouting and cursing could soon be heard from outside the walls. 'Wah- What the hell are you doing here—' '_TEMEEEE_!' and then there was a subsequent crash, and the 'bonding' began. I rolled my eyes, and Itachi sighed.

He eyed the flowers with distaste as Mikoto busied herself with finding a vase for all of them, and me with even more as he pointed out, "I see you took the advice to heart..."

"Sort of, yeah." I nodded. "You make a pretty good point. Getting revenge on people only makes it worse. Plus, helping people out has more profit." There was a wonderful smell coming from Mikoto's oven. "What's cooking?"

"So that's all you're after?" The corner of his lip twitched, in annoyance, or the beginnings of a reluctant smile, I didn't know.

"Yep," I admitted unrepentantly. "And it's good for my reputation."

"What reputation?"

"Exactly."

"Nii-san!" Sasuke finally dragged himself in, scraped and bruised and covered in dirt, with an anklebiter attached to his leg. "Why did you bring _him_ here?"

"They brought themselves here." He pointed to the flowers and me.

"Hi, Sasuke," I greeted with a wave of my fingers. "Your mom was kind enough to invite us to lunch."

One look at me, and his face went red. He disappeared with Naruto a moment later. I think it had something to do with girls. Sasuke hated girls. Either that, or he was thoroughly terrified of them. It was hilarious.

"Did Yamanaka-san say who these were from?" Mikoto questioned absently, admiring the arrangement of pretty pink lilies and their alluring fragrance.

I shoved the greeting card—which was _indeed_ addressed from Shisui—further into my jacket pocket and grinned at her. "Looks like you've got a secret admirer, Mikoto-san! Fugaku-san better watch out!" I then discreetly leaned over to Itachi as she laughed and whispered, "That Shisui sure has a lot of irons in the fire, ne? How scandalous."

He slowly turned to look at me, unamused, and murmured, "Sometimes I contemplate long and hard what mental pathology you must have that causes you to speak such utter nonsense."

I hid my smile at the irony as I told him mysteriously, "I'll never tell. It's my deepest darkest secret, after all. But you're right, it really _does_ mess with your head. I bet if you found out, you'd probably have to sit down for a minute or two. Took me a few _years_ to get over it actually..."

He arched a brow, "...Try me."

"It's my deepest darkest secret!" I repeated, reproachfully. "We're not that close. I wouldn't even tell you if you tried to torture it out of me."

His eyes assessed me critically for a moment, then turned to watch the boys playing outside the window and he spoke musingly, pointing out Naruto, "Then I wonder what you would do if I tortured him instead..."

That choked all of the ironic amusement right out of me in a heartbeat, and my expression went hard as I stared him down. "I'd kill you. That's what'd happen."

"Now, now—no death threats at the table, you two," Mikoto smiled. It was that creepy smile Mom sometimes got when it meant she wouldn't hesitate to use violence to get Naruto and I to stop bickering, and I felt a surge of static creep up the back of my neck.

Sitting up straighter, I replied immediately with a sharp, "Yes, Ma'am."

When she turned away with an approving nod, Itachi murmured, "For future reference...it would be a good idea not to advertise deep, dark secrets to those you aren't 'close' with."

I nodded hurriedly, my expression chastised. "As I said, you really know how to make a good point... I'll remember that." I narrowed my eyes at him. "...I'm still not telling you anything though."

I caught the ghost of a smile on his lips before Mikoto turned back around. "One of you, go get the boys for lunch."

"I'll go." I shot up, wanting to get away from Itachi. I could only stand him in certain doses, and after he goes and says something morbid like _that_...even less. It was a bit of a strange friendship. And I didn't even know how long it would last...

"Oi! Dumbasses!" I cupped my hands around my mouth and called to them when I reached the edge of the porch. "Stop trying to beat the snot out of each other, and get inside! _Now_!"

Naruto popped up immediately, used to following orders (or else), but for some reason, Sasuke seemed to hesitate. Perhaps it was at being addressed as 'dumbass.' He looked to be unsure whether or not following Naruto would mark him as one too. I simply sent him a look and told him, gesturing towards Naruto, "He _will_ eat your lunch if you don't hurry, you know. He's like a walking bottomless pit."

That got him moving soon enough, and the two bickered, shoving each other and trading sideways blows all the way passed me and back to the house. Sasuke made sure to use Naruto as a barrier between me and him before informing me, "You're always acting normal in front of grownups...But you're the weirdest girl I've ever met."

I raised my brows at him, "Keep staring at me like an alien, and I'll be the _last_ girl you ever meet."

Naruto sent him a look and hissed, "She _means_ it. Kage-nee doesn't mess around."

"Yeah, but she's a _girl_..." He whispered back, "We can take her. She's not even trained."

I grabbed Naruto's arm and jerked him over towards me. "Who says he's on your side?"

"What makes you so sure he's on _yours_?" he argued back.

"Because I know where he sleeps." I smiled sweetly. "I also happen to know he's terrified of caterpillars. It'd be a shame if a bucket of them ended up in his bed one night..."

Beside me, Naruto's face drained of color. His voice seemed to have gone higher and he pointed to me as he choked out, "I'm on her side."

"Th-that's not fair!" Sasuke shouted.

"Life's not fair." I shrugged. "You got a better argument, be my guest. Until then, he's on my side."

He screwed up his face in frustration for a second until his freaky Uchiha brain seemed to zap him with a eureka moment and he smirked. "...Anyone on _my_ side gets to learn shuriken jutsu."

I stopped walking in the middle of the hall, and Naruto too, since I still had a grip on his arm. "In that case...I'm on your side too."

He stopped as well and shot a flustered glance at me from over his shoulders, "Wha — but that's not even — no way! You're a _girl_! Girls can't learn shuriken jutsu!"

"Your _mom_ knows shuriken jutsu and _she's_ a girl!" I pointed out angrily.

"Leave my mother out of this!" He turned his attention back to Naruto and demanded, "You're on _my_ side, right?"

The moment I looked at the blond, my heart sank. At the moment, Naruto wanted nothing more than to be a ninja and show up Sasuke... And against the threat of being catterpillared in his sleep... It went without saying, this time around, Sasuke's was the better argument. My face fell, and I let go of Naruto's arm dejectedly. Stupid, shuriken-throwing Sasuke... But at least one of us would get to—

"Not without Kage-nee..."

I shot an incredulous look at Naruto, whose eyes were shaded by his overgrown bangs and I shook my head, "Hey, wait, this is a big opportunity you're passing up here—"

"So what? If Kage-nee isn't with me, why should I try to become a ninja at all?"

I froze, staring at him as if he'd just struck me. Normally, at such a heart warming gesture, one would smile, or go all gooey and hug the guy but...despite how desperately I tried to convince myself that I—_we_—were normal, the fact still remained that I was lying. None of this was normal. It was all wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

Looking down, I realized my hands had balled into fists, they were shaking, and I felt my heart jumping in my chest. "Why are you — why do you always have to rely on me all the time, huh?!" I backed away from him, trying not to look at the startled expression on his face. "Do something on your own for a change! Why do you want to be a ninja, Naruto? Huh? Tell me! What reason?!"

"Huh...but, Kage-nee—"

"Say it!" I shouted. "Say you want to be Hokage! _Say it_!" I felt frustrated tears welling in my eyes at his incomprehension. "You — you're supposed to _say it_!"

"I — I'll become Hokage! So please don't cry, Nee-chan!" Suddenly he was hugging me, and that just made it all worse. All this time, I thought I'd been teaching him how to stand up for himself...instead, I'd just taught him to obey me.

"Y — yeah, don't cry!" Sasuke chimed in, looking somewhat panicked. "I'll teach you shuriken too, okay? Just stop crying! It's gross!"

"You hear that, Nee-chan? Sasuke-teme said—"

I pushed him away abruptly, right into Sasuke with the exclamation, "I'm not your goddamn sister!" I then took off down the hall, passed the wonderful smelling kitchen, Itachi, and out towards the door, only pausing to grab my boots and shove them on. I felt his calculating eyes on me as I did so, and stilled for only a moment, speaking softly, half over my shoulder. "...Make sure he's sent home before it gets dark." And, without waiting for his answer, I was off.

I tried not to think as I brought Inoichi back the signed order ticket from the bouquets, and accepted the free ramen from Teuchi gratefully after delivering those takeout orders I'd promised earlier; He inquired briefly about what happened to Naruto, but I brushed him off as politely as I could. I...couldn't explain my outburst. I just...had to get away.

Living, breathing, this world, twenty-four/seven had a way of driving me completely and utterly insane. Especially times like now, when I was alone, in my dark room, and I had time to think. Things were already beginning to change because of me. _Big_ things. Naruto didn't care about becoming Hokage. All he cared about was spending time with me. And why not? Of course he would want to. I was pretty much the only person who gave him the time of day. I was always, _always_ with him, because Mom trusted _me_ to keep him out of trouble. And I hadn't given her any reason not to. Sure, I was seven years old, but for age seven, I was a fucking genius. Mom knew it. I was positive Itachi knew it. It wasn't that hard to figure it out. And, somehow, without me noticing, Naruto had started to take after me. He did what I did, ate what I ate, laughed when I laughed.

_I'm sitting in a field with Mom, quietly observing as Naruto toddles around, laughing, playing with butterflies. After the initial freakout about the adoption, I thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all, having him as a housemate. It's not like it was really hurting anything at the moment... And besides, he kind of reminded me of...no...don't think about that._

_Mom smiled at him, then at me, and told me as if she'd been reading my mind, "You know, Naruto is like your little brother." I felt myself freeze involuntarily. "You have to watch out for him, in case I'm gone. If he falls down, then you'll be the one following behind him to pick him back up and protect him from people with anger in their hearts. He'll look to you when things get tough. That's what big sisters are for, ne?" She smiled gently at me. "I know you can do it."_

"_But...I..." I began, but I was cut off by a flower clutched in a pudgy toddler hand being shoved in my face. I looked up to see a grinning three-year-old Naruto, and for a moment, his face was replaced with a similar one, holding out another kind of flower._

"_Flowers are pretty, like Nee-chan!" He chirped in his too-high voice with his too-big-for-his-face eyes shining happily in the stifling summer sun._

_And, because another scene of this nature, so similar, yet completely distinct, played in the background of my memories, I could do nothing more than take the mangled daisy and tuck it behind my ear gingerly. "I'll keep it forever."_

_After that, he uprooted nearly half the field searching for the prettiest flower for 'Nee-chan.'_

I thought I'd been in control of the situation. But I'd just learned that there is no controlling how people are. This Naruto grew up in a home—loved—safe, and cared for. While the entire village hated him, Mom was there, and I was always, _always_ there. I did like Mom told me to, because I couldn't stop seeing another set of blue eyes where Naruto's now were. I kept him out of danger, protected him when things got out of hand, and let the hatred roll off my skin like water. They didn't matter to me. Therefore, they didn't matter to Naruto either. I even remember telling him specifically:

"People you don't care about can't hurt you..." I whispered to myself quietly in the dark, pulling my knees up to my chest. "It's the ones you love whom you need to watch out for the most..."

Before I knew it, I was shaking myself awake with a jolt. When did I fall asleep? It was dark, and I called out tentatively, "...Naruto?" There was no reply.

That was the first sign that something was very, very wrong.

I shot out of bed, the blanket falling from my shoulders, and, alertness sinking into my bones, I called again, but the answer was the same. I then strode briskly into the kitchen to see Teuchi's ramen freebie still out on the table—cold as ice. He hadn't been here.

Checking the time, I registered it at twenty-two hundred hours—ten o'clock—then looked out the window. Pitch black. And that was when I felt the first stirrings of worry in my gut. I hustled to the door, jammed my boots on, and was out in a dash. The streets of Konoha were different at night, and the air smelled thicker—more like breathing in velvet. Made my heart speed up even more as I ran beneath the flickering streetlights, and even those blinked out when I began to near the Uchiha compound. For some reason, the electricity glitched in the neighborhood... I couldn't even begin to imagine _why_, can you?

When I was pounding on the front door of the Uchiha Main House, I didn't even stop to think the inhabitants might be sleeping, or discourage late night visitors. I didn't care about any of that. Not even when the imposing figure of Uchiha Fugaku opened the door and glared down at me, "What are you doing on my doorstep at this hour—"

"Itachi!" I shouted at him hysterically, tears gathering in my eyes. "I need to talk to him — where is he?"

For a moment, it looked like he would slam the door in my face, but something in my face must've convinced him I would be up pounding on his door all night, because he sighed, "He's on a very important mission. Ninja have no time to be playing with little girls. Now why on earth—"

"Kagerou...?" I flinched as I recognized the pale form of little Sasuke ghosting up beside his father. "Are you crying again?"

"Sasuke. What are you doing out of bed?" Fugaku demanded.

"I heard...I thought..." He stammered, looking up at his father guiltily, but glancing curiously at me.

I stared at him for a moment, not bothering to wipe my eyes as I asked him helplessly, "Sasuke, where's Naruto...?"

He stared back at me uncomprehendingly, and shook his head. "Itachi-nii-san sent him home _hours_ ago..."

I felt sick in the pit of my gut.

What had I done?


End file.
